CBS issues stern warning to Grammy-goers: Cover Up

Last Call excerpt from Chapter 15, “Power Parts” (pay attention to the bolded paragraph):

This is a great moment in history for the single American male. It is the point in time immediately preceding the female’s return to being completely naked in public, just like at the beginning. Not necessarily naked 24/7, but certainly in settings that offer alcohol and music. Perhaps this may seem a little bold and totally out of character, but my prediction is that in no more than five years the female in America will be down to wearing just a mesh thong and either flip-flops, flats or open-toe shoes with four-inch or higher heels in public.

Yes, the thong will continue to keep her overall least attractive body part covered for just a little while longer—until the surgeons make “designer vagina” plastic surgery more affordable, guaranteeing the ultimate human body part is always pretty in pink. The thong’s days are numbered, that is for sure. In five years or less, female private parts will all be renamed “public parts.”

It has started taking place on the beaches across America and at the international warm weather vacation spots. Today’s beach cover-ups cover less than bathing suits did in the late seventies. Forget about confirming global warming and whether we are to blame; signs of genitalia warming are by far much easier to establish and assess, such as with this chart found on the Internet.

While it is claimed global warming is “a true threat to the public’s health and welfare,” genitalia warming is a much more immediate threat to human modesty and monogamy, and quite possibly human morality as well. It is hard not to wonder if the trend of “barely there” swimwear could have anything to do with the increase in the number of sexual encounters females now have per year, at least the females going on those quarterly “girls only” vacation getaways. This is just another hunch of course.

Off the beach, invisible coats, tops and bottoms are destined to take over the fashion scene no doubt. They will be the perfect solution for when it is too cold outside, or inside for that matter. “Fully Visible Woman” fashion wear will continue to make the female hormones happy by enabling her private parts to flip to public parts 24/7, 365 days a year. Sheer clothing will be remembered as a short stop on the way.

As modern-day sheer materials move ever closer to total transparency, showing silhouettes of intimate apparel in public is now just taken for granted. No wonder panties, and especially bras, are being sold in so many colors and patterns these days. Ever wonder why nipple pasties now come in such a decorative ­variety? Just Google “Rihanna and pasties” and the Barbadian singer’s “peek-a-boob” fashion style will give you a quick update on just how close the female is to being naked, again.

All across America already, females matching the ever-shrinking shirt dress with the increasingly sheer leggings-as-pants, have taken us back to the days before Eve’s fig leaf. Even that fig leaf was far from skin-tight, thus not capable of providing any “camel toe” details. One male friend sums up the latest skin tight and ever sheerer leggings with an ever shorter top look many females are now sporting as simply, “She is letting everyone around her know what she looks like body painted.”

For more examples, take a look at the celebrities walking down any red carpet. In each year’s media photos the outfits not only become more sheer in more places, the designers cut out larger, and more, swaths of cloth from the outfit, very often just barely missing the twenty-two square inches of remaining female private part flesh. Low-cut blouses, barely-there minis, and going backless with daring cut-down-to-there dresses that show off all the right curves. Even when off the red carpet, female celebrities are regularly captured in outfits where colorful and even neon bras are fully displayed, or they are wearing no bra at all with a neckline plunging well below their breasts.

The New York Daily News, under the headline “Stay abreast of Rihanna,” shared how even the nipple pasties’ days are numbered: “Rihanna strolled through NYC Wednesday sans one vital accessory: a bra. The pop princess gave those lunching at Da Silvano quite a show, thanks to a see-through tank which showed just about everything – including a super-scandalous piercing.” On their website, the paper points out, “Then again, Rihanna isn’t exactly the only one showing more than one would expect. . .” For more, Katie Perry and Lady Gaga are also fun to keep track of if one happens to be a breast buff.